Friday, April 19, 2002

<Sparkle> I guess I'm not nearly as disciplined as I thought. Looks as though I wont be doing a daily blog, more like a monthly one. I've been having a hard time staying awake at work, sleep is over rated. So its lunch time and I'm just starting to feel like to talk to others and to smile or think or anything other than hunger and sleepy time. Just read a Frontline article on the meat industry. Man.. I need the will power to become a vegetarian again. I was one for almost 3 years or so. I would eat fish and meat only during special occasions, one of those being when it was free, like at a friends bbq. Even then I barely could physically handle it, my tummy would be doing cartwheels by the end of the meal. Now I'm a full fledged meat eater though a steak is pushing it. I'm a sucka for whataburger and tacos. I've got to stop..the Frontline article reminded me of all the drama that comes along with eating meat. I just had a horrible spout of tummy problems, ones I never had when i was eating just veggies. Plus I feel like poopy when I eat a burger, I get a heavy yucky feeling. The burger may taste great for a second, but its not even close to worth it fat content wise. I looked up that a Mc Donald's quarter pound cheeseburger has 30 grams of fat the recommended daily allowance is 65 grams of fat, add a large fries and add 26 more grams of fat making a burger with fries 56 grams, leaving only 9 grams of fat for the rest of the day. Wow, enough to make you think twice about doing the super size thing. I guess I need to get more organized and start making more time for my meals. I try but if the meal takes longer than 30 min then I'm usually not going to be able to make my Martial arts Class. </Sparkle> <!--12:06-->

Thursday, March 21, 2002

<Sparkle> Just got to work...doing the 1/2 day thing. Sometimes I get so busy and wrapped up in all my everyday bull shit I need a unexpected/unplanned time for myself. Today was one of those days, woke up late and decided I wasn’t ready to go to work. Called in and said I was sick...well I kind of was...and that I would be in sometime today but I didnt know when. For me my mental wellness is far more important than on a day like today, my mental status was sickly so I needed to take some sick time. I say sickly but there wasnt anything particular bothering me only that I knew I needed my time to just hang and relax. The great thing about sick time is I still get paid so I don’t have the guilt of missing work and not getting paid for the hours missed hangin over my head. Lets just say the "institution" I work for doesn’t allow my mental wellness days so I must play the game and call in physically sick. So today I took a 1/2 mental wellness day. I hung out with my puppies and picked weeds in the yard, totally therapeutic. The weather is about 70 and is choice, so the dawgs and me were lovin just layin around in the front and back yard. Made me think what it would be like to be a housewife and be able to stay home everyday and pick weeds while listening to Ben Harper. What a life that would be. I would get to do all the little b.s. things I have to put off because I'm so busy. Like paint or grow a garden. I think I'm going to like staying at home with my kids if I ever have any. It would be cool to plan adventures to the post office and to the neighborhood park and play silly mystery games where you have to find stuff..kind of like a Easter egg hunt but not on Easter and not with eggs...the kids would have to solve questions or riddles in order to find the hidden stuff... And it wouldn’t be candy or lovely chocolates.. it would be a broom or some other thing from the house to tell what chore we would do that day. Yes, what a life. no computer to sit in front of for 8 hours straight. no crappy chairs and crappy lighting. But you know I might get bored...I might miss this crazy life I live today..where I run around everyday doing tons of stuff I love to do but just don’t have time to do it all. I might get bored if I stayed at home that’s not true..I hardly ever get bored..always seem to find something to get into...I guess that is why I'm so busy right now. So I guess the moral of this blog is that I should think about this what if I was thing... I would be just as busy I must keep doing what I do and always make time for my self, even if it calls for using sick time </Sparkle> <!--13:43-->

Wednesday, March 20, 2002

<Sparkle> Yesterday I thought I would start a daily log, to thowup all my thoughts each day. Start some sort of shrine to place my thoughts so that I can reflect on them later. So I started a blog but by the end of the day I had forgotten my password and blog address, typical me. So I have started another. Thats too bad because I felt that my first entry in the other yesterday was quite good for a virgin blog. Today I'm not as chatty, drank too much coffee and its always hard to focus after chocolate and Folgers. Today some of my thoughts are how sleeping sucks. If I could have it my way I wouldn’t have to sleep, this would give me more time to read, talk and play. I stayed up pretty late with my "partner" last night. Great conversation lead to a late night, even with little sleep last night I feel great. I think the conversation was a upper for me and sleep is on the back burner. The discussion was about a email I received months ago, it compelled me to write about a 21/2 page essay that I emailed back to the friend who bulked mailed me and the many others that received it as well. I don’t usually mail people I don’t know but found compelled because I was so inspired to write counter ideas to this email. The email was a typical sept 11th response, an evangelistic view on how things have gotten so bad and basically because we have taken the church out of schools and gov., terrorists bombed and killed people. Craziness... its amazing how people can overlook hateful and crazy talk when it comes to values and morals. ex: Prince of Egypt-crazy, violent movie but because it biblical it is seen a fit for chitlins to watch. I cant believe the things people will believe. The email stated something to the effect a little child asked why a little girl had been shot and killed in her classroom and god replied, because I'm not allowed in schools anymore. What in the hell is that, why would anyone tell a child that, that is a statement meant to instill fear in those that follow this god. Crazy talk I tell you. That age old idea that "things were better when", give me a break.. So my "partner" and I got into a discussion about values and where they come from...something like a two hour conversation sparked, I did most the talking but that’s pretty normal. Got lots to say sometimes, not sure why I feel I have to say it but I do. I think this blog thing is going to help me out in that aspect, I always feel better once its down on paper because I can let it go. Move on to the next heart filled idea. </Sparkle> <!--11:05-->

Tuesday, March 19, 2002

<Sparkle> Lets try this again, here we go! </Sparkle> <!--16:23-->


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